Rants, Raves & Restless Thoughts

On occasions when homesickness gets the
best of me, I usually browse digital photos of my loved ones to ease my
yearning. It makes me grateful for the technology of photography, I find it
amazing that cherished moments in time can be frozen through the lens of a
camera. As I peruse my children’s photographs, I can’t help but feel a sense of
nostalgia. They have grown a lot in such a short span of time, they now have
crushes and opinions of their own, yet it seems just like yesterday when they
were still mumbling gibberish and feebly struggling to take their first few
steps. Seeing them grow up so fast somehow inspires me to have a trip down
memory lane and recollect about my own lost youth.

 
It really doesn’t feel like a lifetime has
passed when I too was once but a child, when Christmas and summer time had
magical meaning and my needs and desires were much simpler and uncomplicated,
craving only for toys and playtime while worrying only about homework and
chores. Work, politics, religion, sex, girls and relationships were not yet in
my vocabulary while fantasies of either being a ninja, a Jedi knight, a WWF
wrestler, a samurai warrior or superman consumed and inspired my dreams. It is
as if it all just happened recently, I can still even recall most of my friends’
names in grade school, although I probably wouldn’t be able to recognize some
of them. If there was something that I’m
quite particularly fond of recalling during this early stage of my life, it’s
that I had once made my parents proud, by being consistently among the top of
my class back then.

 
Unfortunately it didn’t last long, as I
failed to replicate the feat in high school, since angst and other
complications of adolescence set in. I remember being determined not to be
labeled a nerd, thus the average performance in my studies. However I
did excel in ‘extra-curricular’ endeavors, like bowling, billiards and barkada aside
from learning to drink and smoke among other “activities”. It was also during
this point in time that I had met some lifetime friends with whom I shared
countless mischievous misadventures.

 
College life was a fun filled and
outrageous roller-coaster ride emotionally and academically, which at times I look
back upon with awe and regret. Starting out at the state U was a blast. I was
initiated to independence, living away from my family for the first time in my
life. Like a wild animal that had been set free, I spent most of the time
partying, which eventually lead to my premature exile from my beloved school
and early return home. Everything went downhill from there as my rebellious
spirit reached its peak and I unknowingly allowed my hatred to consume my whole
being. Thankfully I came to my senses just in time and pursued the course which
I believe was destined for me, but had tried desperately to avoid due to
misplaced anger and pride.

 
As I continue to muse over my early life, I
smile as I come across some happy memories whilst I feel a tinge of sadness and
regret on other depressing recollections and missed opportunities. On the other
hand, I am alarmed at how fast time has seemed to speed by. Reminiscent of a
stray bullet which whizzes by, catching an unknowing bystander unaware, he only
feels the excruciating pain as the hard hot steel pierces his soft supple skin.
It seems as if in just a blink of an eye, we have lost our innocence and our
youth. Sooner than we know it, we’ll be facing middle age challenges. Only then
will we look in hindsight and ask our self where the time has gone, and
fruitlessly try to pick our brains, rummaging through the archives of our
memory for the time lost to oblivion.

 
I’ve come to realize that time is a
precious commodity we often take for granted, believing we always have time in
our hands and tomorrow is still far-away. Often we find ourselves tied up at work, business or in pursuit of some
other undertaking that we believe would give us self-fulfillment, we barely
notice that time has flown past us. Not until we see streaks of gray that
naturally highlight our hair or when our child knocks us back to our senses by
answering us rudely, signifying that the cycle of life will soon come full
circle and we shall soon find our self in the bottom of its loop. Even so, some
still fail to grasp that we are in a countdown, every second ticking like a bomb
ready to explode and with every instant that passes, our time and those of our
loved ones slowly trickle away like the sand in an hourglass. It is imperative
that we should regularly assess if we are investing the limited time we have in
truly worthwhile endeavors, hence when our time finally runs out we would have
no regrets.

 
Sometimes it’s distressing and dreadful to
acknowledge that we are on a one-way time machine which is always moving
forward and never backward, we can never take back things we did nor go back on
hasty decisions we made. However, we have no choice but to accept the fact that
life is too short. To dwell on depression, discontent and regret would be a
waste of our precious borrowed time. Instead we should forgive ourselves and
those who hurt us in the past, count our blessings and make the most of what we
have. We should never lose hope, for as long as we still breathe, we have the
opportunity to make up for our misdeeds, rectify certain wrongdoings and shape
our future to how we desire it to be.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.